Step by Step with Prayer Losing Your Beloved

Step by Step with Prayer

Losing Your Beloved

Regretfully, many have lost beloved friends and family members in the last couple of years. One contributing factor is that the Baby Boomers are an aging sector of our population and along with aging comes the inevitability of facing mortality. Another unfortunate factor as we all know too well, is that we have had enormous global loss of life from the Covid pandemic. Not a day goes by without someone informing me or seeking consultation because yet another person and often a loved one, has made their transition. It can sometimes be paralyzing even to clergy and healthcare professionals

Being a Pastor and the son of a Pastor as well as a retired FDNY member, I have seen more death than anyone should. It can make me callous but never where I still do not feel the sadness and become filled with compassion for those in mourning. When first responders arrive to a call, the situation we enter is usually serious and sometimes fatal. As a member of the FDNY I witnessed enormous tragedy daily, worst of all during the aftermath of the attack on the World Trade Centers. Day after day we, the members of the FDNY sifted through the ruins to recover remains of the victims. We all struggled day after day, and we grieved as people of a unit, and then we grieved with the families of the victims. We still grieve. I also know personally what it is to loss close family members. Witnessing so many families suffer loss during the 9/11 World Trade Center attack, compelled me to dedicate much of my ministry to memorials and Bereavement Ministry.

One of the ways to assist in the pain is too pray for comfort. Pray that the Lord will ease your pain and give you comfort. It is possible to feel better and the pain will ease through time and process. Grieving is a process.

First, I want to assure you that there is no right way to grieve. It takes some of us a long time to grieve whereas others seem to busy themselves and not skip a beat, finding staying engaged a way to remain positive. Tears are therapy and have faith that God will restore your wellbeing. Most important is prayer.

Pray in times of loss for God to give you and your family comfort.

Psalm 34:18

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.

Matthew 5:4

Blessed are they that mourn for they shall be comforted.

Another way that you can begin the process is through action. When people are inconsolable it may seem impossible to take action, but if you can take small steps, it will help you to not feel that your world is out of control. A small step maybe to find a way to honor your loved one, by sharing stories about them or planning a touching tribute where you and others will have the chance to show the importance of their life and the impact of their contributions have had on those, they crossed paths with while living. Just sharing your love and admiration for that person with others, through a service or through sharing photos. Accepting the comfort of others kind words and prayers can help lift the burden of sadness. If you are consoling someone at loss, sometimes saying nothing or truly little is enough. Just being there and letting them know that you are supporting them is all the comfort they may need. Surely, we need to keep them in our prayers.

I was called to pray with the family when their mother was facing her last moments in a hospice facility. The doctors advised the family that she had little time. The family gathered all around their mother at her bedside. She had been a strong loving mother until she had become riddled with illness. As she laid in her hospital bed surrounded by her grown children, she whispered in a broken weak voice to her children, “How did it come to this.” They instantly simultaneously burst into tears. One daughter said through her tears, “Mama, I can’t live without you.” Her mother grew stronger for an instant as she said, “I will never leave you and I live on inside of you.” It seemed to put her family at ease.”

In that moment, I could not help but see the correlation to Jesus’ message to us. Those daughters will go on to raise children and teach them their mother’s values, mannerisms, hopes faith, beliefs, knowledge, recipes, and traditions. Her features and ways will be transferred to those grandchildren who will resemble someone that they may never have known, and, in that way, she lives on through them. Just as we are made in the image of God and as Christians, we will follow the teachings of Christ and share them with the generations to come, in so doing we lead a path to eternal life.

Eternal life is the larger message that embodies important truth; for she as a woman of faith will have the lasting love of God and we will be welcomed into the kingdom of Heaven to reside with the Lord and in that way, she lives on. I assured the family that their mother would be in the hands of God and that they need not worry about her that what God has for her and for all his children is eternal life and they too as children of God will receive the promised fortune of life ever after. We prayed together.

Below are some of the scriptures that I shared with that family:

John 11:25-26 Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?”

Romans 14:8 If we live, we live for the Lord; and if we die, we die for the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord.

1 Thessalonians 4:17-18 After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. Therefore encourage one another with these words.

Romans 12:8

For if we live, we live to the Lord, and if we die, we die to the Lord. So then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord's.

Revelation 21:4

He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”

Isaiah 66:22

“For as the new heavens and the new earth that I make shall remain before me, says the Lord, so shall your offspring and your name remain.

John 10:28

I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand.

James 4:13-15

Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit”— yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.”

Psalms 23:6 Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

What else can you do to feel comforted as someone you love makes their transition? Once again, I first recommend beginning with prayer. Pray that Gods brings your community closer together in your darkness. Pray that you will continue to be who your loved ones wanted you to be.

Then, live the best life that you can. Remember them in their best hours, in your best time. Take your time as you regain your footing but go forward knowing that as people of faith that your lost friend, comrade or beloved is with The Father.

Outside of prayer and scriptures some find it therapeutic to do activities to honor and memorialize their loved one, such as finish a project that they were unable to complete themselves or attend or participate in something such a play or movie that they loved or perhaps go somewhere on a family trip where they loved to visit. It may help to share photos and poetry that represent the essence of the person’s life. There are many ways to help express the significance of their life to you and the world. This is all a way of remaining close to your beloved after they are gone while acknowledging the loss and ultimately letting go to begin healing. God does not want you to suffer. God is merciful.

Deuteronomy 4:31 For the Lord your God is a merciful God. He will not leave you or destroy you or forget the covenant with your fathers that he swore to them.

2 Corinthians 4:18 James 4:13-15

As we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.

Romans 12:8

For if we live, we live to the Lord, and if we die, we die to the Lord. So then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord's.

People sometimes suffer from guilt or the feeling they have lost time with your loved one. Some may feel that you could have saved them or, they left in the middle of a dream or an incomplete project. It could have happened in the middle of an unresolved difference such as an argument. The reality as we the living experience it, is that death is often untimely and unforeseen. The Bible tells us that you will live all your days, meaning that your time is your time and although their business aspirations may not have come to fruition, or a graduation not attained, or a goal not achieved, the Father was waiting for this person and to God their parting was not a surprise. The Lord knows in advance our destiny and our days here are delegated by him. No one death is a surprise to God. Be comforted, that no matter how young or accidental your loved one departed, their life was complete.

Finally, be mindful of your own health and wellbeing as much as possible during this process, stay close to loved ones and if necessary, seek counsel through the church. The church can assist you in finding the right grievance assistance such as Christian grievance group or individual counseling.

Your life will be forever changed and you will miss the one's that you have lost tremendously, however as you think of them in the future, your mind will eventually be filled of the love and the great memories that they have left with you and you will have less and less of the pain that you carry from losing them. Your life will continue and it will become more joyful in time, once again, and you will be blessed.

Recommended Reading Books on Grieving

ICare Grief Ministry Guide

By Lynda Cheldelin Fell & Linda Findlay with Rev Roland H Johnson III

Divine Disruption: Holding on to Faith When Life Breaks Your Heart

By Tony Evens Chrystal Hurst with Priscilla Shirer